Forgive me if this isn't the greatest. It's my first blog post ever.
I've been lonely for the past several days. Even when I've spent the entire afternoon or evening with friends, I'm lonely again within 15 minutes of them leaving.
Maybe it's because I've gotten so used to having 20 people in the living room, kitchen, Pastor Randy's office, and the bedrooms at midnight and now it's semester break and almost nobody is around.
Maybe I just crave company. It is natural. Genesis 2:18 even says "...it is not good that man should be alone...". Even with God around, we should still be around other people.
But the problem isn't that I'm spending time with God and I still feel lonely. The problem is that I, for some reason, won't spend time with God!! I don't know why. The thought has been in my mind all day. I thought about it the past several days. Friends have reminded me to spend time alone with Him when I feel like it. But I still find stuff to distract me.
I can be spending time with friends all day, but I still feel lonely.
Why?
Because I get distracted. I still spend too much time in earthly things. Video games, Facebook, movies, television, joking around with friends, laying around, doing nothing productive. They all distract me. I idolize them all. Satan has a grip on me, and that grip is a three-toed sloth. I can't motivate myself to do anything. I've been this way my entire life. The things that, at the end of the day, don't matter always win over the things that will be important later on. This isn't something that has developed since I became a believer. Even when I was Agnostic Jared with Kung-Fu grip, I would still put video games and TV before my homework, even though I saw education as my one ticket out of the world that I was in, the world I hated. Now, I find myself feeling down, lonely, but I still won't turn over to God.
I even wasted money today on video games at GameStop. More distractions. I bought a good 30-40 hours worth of time away from God today while at the mall.
I'm going to end up playing those games when I could be talking to God, reading my Bible, praising and worshiping, reading a book on God, getting to know my friends better, helping friends or complete strangers with problems, or anything else productive. Instead of spreading love or furthering my own knowledge, I'm going to be saving a Lego Lea from the clutches of the Empire. Why do I do this to myself?
I'm writing this to vent and to remind myself. I'm writing it in the hopes that I'll receive an epiphany while typing. But, I'm also hoping that you'll see this, talk to me, get to know me, help me, and be a reminder to me, someone to keep me accountable. Thank you for reading this, and God Bless you.
