A Band-Aid is supposed to cover a wound while it heals. It's supposed to protect. I have several Band-Aids in my life, most of them are not helpful at all.
Food
Lust
Alcohol
Video games
JESUS
These are my Band-Aids. 4 of them are infecting and 1 is an antibiotic.
All my life I've turned to food. It has always been a comfort and still is. I would eat and eat and feel better for a while, but then the pain would seep back in. All it did was cover the wound, and not for long. This germ-filled Band-Aid gave me comfort momentarily and then I felt worse than before. Now I feel full and bloated from the food.
I've struggled with lust for years. What person in America hasn't? I've turned to people in pain or for selfish reasons. I would spend time with women specifically for the physical comfort that they could bring. A hug, cuddling, or something further. It would feel very pleasant at the time, but by the end of the night, I'd realize that I had done something wrong. Even before Jesus saved me, I would have these feelings. I would realize that I was turning to someone to satisfy my desires and that it was only harmful.
Alcohol would only make my other struggles worse. It would fill me with lust and make me hungry. And it was considered socially acceptable to act on these desires while drunk. Seeing people drink brings back these memories and the memories of growing up with alcoholic parents.
Video games are a huge time waster for me. I can still spend hours playing video games alone, doing nothing constructive. After I'm done playing, I just feel empty and miserable inside.
The only thing that I've ever found to fill me up for any length of time longer than just over the duration of the event is Godly time. Either spending time alone with Him or talking with people about Him, they both fill me up for extended periods of time. He is all I need and I look forward with much anticipation to the day that I get to spend eternity at the banquet at His Father's house. There will be no more pain and no more lusting after earthly desires. Nothing but eternal heavenly bliss. And it can be your fate also if you just accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ~ Romans 10:9
Until next time, God bless!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
A Reminder of a Broken World
I cried Tuesday afternoon at work. I was sitting in the office that I work in on campus and I logged into Facebook. There were a lot of status updates saying that people were praying for my hometown of Perham and praying for my high school and that what happened was a tragedy. I had no idea what it was that happened, so I went on chat and asked a friend that I graduated with. She told me that on Monday night, a boy shot and killed his girlfriend and then turned the gun on himself. He was airlifted to Fargo for medical treatment. I thought that this story was terrible, and I was saddened by it, but the sadness wasn't anything compared to the grief that I felt a few seconds later.
My friend told me the names of the two teens involved. And then things got real after I realized that I knew them. Dylan Cox and Tabby Belmonte. Tabby had just given birth to their daughter 7 months beforehand.
I don't know if I ever spoke to Dylan during his life, (he died Tuesday in the hospital) but I had spoken to Tabby. She was a friend, not a good one, but still a friend. She always brightened my day. Even being pregnant at 15 didn't stop her from being happy. She became excited to be a mother. She was sunshine on a cloudy day.
This tragedy is a grim reminder of the broken world that we live in. A world that so desperately needs God's healing Love. A world that we, as disciples of Christ, should be reaching out to every opportunity we get. We don't know what will happen a minute from now, so we must seize the day and spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ to everyone. If we don't, then someone could miss out on an eternity of paradise, an eternity with God, with no pain.
My wish is that from the tragedy that befell the Perham area on Monday, we will all remember that life is a short, precious thing and we should take every moment that we get to radiate God's perfect, never-failing Love.
http://www.valleynewslive.com/Global/story.asp?S=14319088
yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. ~ James 4:14
Could all of you reading please pray for the families and friends of Dylan and Tabby. Pray that they will find comfort in God and in each other and pray that God will make something good come out of this. And please pray that Dylan's and Tabby's daughter Emma will grow up into a beautiful woman of God, radiating His love to all despite the life that she now faces without parents.
Thank you and God bless you all!
My friend told me the names of the two teens involved. And then things got real after I realized that I knew them. Dylan Cox and Tabby Belmonte. Tabby had just given birth to their daughter 7 months beforehand.
I don't know if I ever spoke to Dylan during his life, (he died Tuesday in the hospital) but I had spoken to Tabby. She was a friend, not a good one, but still a friend. She always brightened my day. Even being pregnant at 15 didn't stop her from being happy. She became excited to be a mother. She was sunshine on a cloudy day.
This tragedy is a grim reminder of the broken world that we live in. A world that so desperately needs God's healing Love. A world that we, as disciples of Christ, should be reaching out to every opportunity we get. We don't know what will happen a minute from now, so we must seize the day and spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ to everyone. If we don't, then someone could miss out on an eternity of paradise, an eternity with God, with no pain.
My wish is that from the tragedy that befell the Perham area on Monday, we will all remember that life is a short, precious thing and we should take every moment that we get to radiate God's perfect, never-failing Love.
http://www.valleynewslive.com/Global/story.asp?S=14319088
yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. ~ James 4:14
Could all of you reading please pray for the families and friends of Dylan and Tabby. Pray that they will find comfort in God and in each other and pray that God will make something good come out of this. And please pray that Dylan's and Tabby's daughter Emma will grow up into a beautiful woman of God, radiating His love to all despite the life that she now faces without parents.
Thank you and God bless you all!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Scenic Route
I've been impatient lately. Restless. I want to do His work. Now.
And I know that I do His work everyday by showing love to others, by keeping my eyes open for opportunities to spread the message of the Gospel, by getting to know my friends better, by doing ANYTHING out of love. True love. Agape.
I feel that the restlessness that I've been feeling is a call to action. What sort of action that is is something that I don't know yet.
I want answers from God. Now.
I want to know where He's calling me to do missions work in the future, even though I won't be doing anything until at least January, and most likely not until I graduate.
I want to know if I'm called to be married with anyone or if I'm called to a single life. And if I am called to married life, who am I supposed to be with?
I want to know if I'm going to be an addictions counselor like I've been planning on for the last year and a half or if I'm going to be a career missionary.
Why do I need answers right now? Why can't I just enjoy what I know and have?
Abraham and Sarah waited for TEN YEARS before they received Isaac. They needed the kind of patience that only the Holy Spirit can provide.
I need that same patience because it could be a long time before I receive answers.
I was listening to music on Youtube and the Jars of Clay song "Oh My God" was a recommend video. While listening to it, I was reminded of their song "Scenic Route" and of the bike ride that God took me on last summer.
I felt restless one night. I didn't want to stay at my parents' place while they were drunk. I got the urge to go for a bike ride, so I did. Anything to get out of the house.
I got on the bike, started pedaling, and I felt something in my heart. The Holy Spirit was directing my path that night. Every crossroads that I got to, I checked which way the Spirit led me. I urge you all to do this in your own lives. PLEASE LET THE HOLY SPIRIT DIRECT YOU AT EVERY CROSSROADS YOU COME ACROSS.
I rode around Perham on my mom's bike for over an hour. It might have even been longer than 2 hours. I wasn't keeping track of time. I do remember getting impatient though. I knew that I was being led somewhere, I just didn't know where. I wanted to know!
Eventually, I got to my destination. I knew I was in the right place because the presence of God was so strong that i nearly cried.
I was at St. Paul's church. I rode around the tiny town of Perham for I don't know how long, taking some streets 3 or more times, passing every church in town except for 2 (it was at least 5 churches that I did pass), going by St. Paul's once or twice already, all to end up at this church that I was called to attend.
Why did God send me on this long path to get to a church that is literally only 3 blocks away from my parents' apartment? I believe that it was to give me a lesson in trusting in Him and to teach me patience. He wanted me to start walking by the Spirit more.
Why was I sent to St. Paul's anyway? I don't know why it was that church in particular. I do know that that was where He sent me and that He wanted me to spend a lot of time with Him along the way, so that's what I did and what I'm continuing to do.
And I know that I do His work everyday by showing love to others, by keeping my eyes open for opportunities to spread the message of the Gospel, by getting to know my friends better, by doing ANYTHING out of love. True love. Agape.
I feel that the restlessness that I've been feeling is a call to action. What sort of action that is is something that I don't know yet.
I want answers from God. Now.
I want to know where He's calling me to do missions work in the future, even though I won't be doing anything until at least January, and most likely not until I graduate.
I want to know if I'm called to be married with anyone or if I'm called to a single life. And if I am called to married life, who am I supposed to be with?
I want to know if I'm going to be an addictions counselor like I've been planning on for the last year and a half or if I'm going to be a career missionary.
Why do I need answers right now? Why can't I just enjoy what I know and have?
Abraham and Sarah waited for TEN YEARS before they received Isaac. They needed the kind of patience that only the Holy Spirit can provide.
I need that same patience because it could be a long time before I receive answers.
I was listening to music on Youtube and the Jars of Clay song "Oh My God" was a recommend video. While listening to it, I was reminded of their song "Scenic Route" and of the bike ride that God took me on last summer.
I felt restless one night. I didn't want to stay at my parents' place while they were drunk. I got the urge to go for a bike ride, so I did. Anything to get out of the house.
I got on the bike, started pedaling, and I felt something in my heart. The Holy Spirit was directing my path that night. Every crossroads that I got to, I checked which way the Spirit led me. I urge you all to do this in your own lives. PLEASE LET THE HOLY SPIRIT DIRECT YOU AT EVERY CROSSROADS YOU COME ACROSS.
I rode around Perham on my mom's bike for over an hour. It might have even been longer than 2 hours. I wasn't keeping track of time. I do remember getting impatient though. I knew that I was being led somewhere, I just didn't know where. I wanted to know!
Eventually, I got to my destination. I knew I was in the right place because the presence of God was so strong that i nearly cried.
I was at St. Paul's church. I rode around the tiny town of Perham for I don't know how long, taking some streets 3 or more times, passing every church in town except for 2 (it was at least 5 churches that I did pass), going by St. Paul's once or twice already, all to end up at this church that I was called to attend.
Why did God send me on this long path to get to a church that is literally only 3 blocks away from my parents' apartment? I believe that it was to give me a lesson in trusting in Him and to teach me patience. He wanted me to start walking by the Spirit more.
Why was I sent to St. Paul's anyway? I don't know why it was that church in particular. I do know that that was where He sent me and that He wanted me to spend a lot of time with Him along the way, so that's what I did and what I'm continuing to do.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
American Media
Today was my mom's birthday, so I drove from Moorhead to Perham to surprise her. On the way back, I saw the same billboard that I always see outside of Detroit Lakes. And it always makes me feel the same way.
The billboard I saw was for Zorbaz, a pizza and Mexican food restaurant/bar. One side of the billboard has a man dressed up like a hippie and the words "nicely baked" in huge letters. This implies a pot reference. The other side has a tap beer and the words "one is the loneliest number you'll ever do". You need to have more than one beer. One beer isn't enough. You MUST binge drink.
Both of these signs fill me with disgust and sorrow. Growing up in a household with alcoholics and pot-heads, I know how torturous these common drugs can be. Why does culture have to glorify them?
Why do we have a culture that glorifies sin and not God's love? The high that Jesus gives us is so much greater than anything alcohol or pot can produce.
When I drank, alcohol would just draw me towards more sin. I would become filled with lustful thoughts. I'd want to eat even though I wasn't very hungry. I would become sad, either because the alcohol itself made me depressed or just amplified my preexistent depression. Either way, that should have been enough of a reason to stop, but it wasn't. Even after I woke up from a night of throwing up, falling over, and realizing that I'd done some pretty shameful things, I'd decide to drink again some other time.
The one time that I smoked weed, I was filled with similar thoughts, only happier. I was past my depression bu this point, but I still made terrible decisions.
Why does media feel the need to portray these destructive drugs in such a positive light. As social objects. As adventure starters. As tools for fun.
Why aren't they just show for what they are? Physical poison. Mental poison. Spiritual poison. Why do these substances get attention as the source of fun when they are the source of pain? Why do they get more exposure in our media than the only true source of love, Jesus?
Why do we continue to intentionally expose ourselves to this filth every single day? Why do we watch TV and movies about the adventures of druggies? Why do we listen to songs about drinking all day? Why do we read magazine articles about night clubs and the best-tasting mixed drinks? If we want to end the prevalence that these drugs have in our media, shouldn't we boycott the media that emphasizes them?
Shouldn't we replace these toxins with more positive media or no media at all? Imagine how much closer we could be to God if we spent our time absorbed in the media absorbing ourselves with Him.
The billboard I saw was for Zorbaz, a pizza and Mexican food restaurant/bar. One side of the billboard has a man dressed up like a hippie and the words "nicely baked" in huge letters. This implies a pot reference. The other side has a tap beer and the words "one is the loneliest number you'll ever do". You need to have more than one beer. One beer isn't enough. You MUST binge drink.
Both of these signs fill me with disgust and sorrow. Growing up in a household with alcoholics and pot-heads, I know how torturous these common drugs can be. Why does culture have to glorify them?
Why do we have a culture that glorifies sin and not God's love? The high that Jesus gives us is so much greater than anything alcohol or pot can produce.
When I drank, alcohol would just draw me towards more sin. I would become filled with lustful thoughts. I'd want to eat even though I wasn't very hungry. I would become sad, either because the alcohol itself made me depressed or just amplified my preexistent depression. Either way, that should have been enough of a reason to stop, but it wasn't. Even after I woke up from a night of throwing up, falling over, and realizing that I'd done some pretty shameful things, I'd decide to drink again some other time.
The one time that I smoked weed, I was filled with similar thoughts, only happier. I was past my depression bu this point, but I still made terrible decisions.
Why does media feel the need to portray these destructive drugs in such a positive light. As social objects. As adventure starters. As tools for fun.
Why aren't they just show for what they are? Physical poison. Mental poison. Spiritual poison. Why do these substances get attention as the source of fun when they are the source of pain? Why do they get more exposure in our media than the only true source of love, Jesus?
Why do we continue to intentionally expose ourselves to this filth every single day? Why do we watch TV and movies about the adventures of druggies? Why do we listen to songs about drinking all day? Why do we read magazine articles about night clubs and the best-tasting mixed drinks? If we want to end the prevalence that these drugs have in our media, shouldn't we boycott the media that emphasizes them?
Shouldn't we replace these toxins with more positive media or no media at all? Imagine how much closer we could be to God if we spent our time absorbed in the media absorbing ourselves with Him.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Past Me
Last night, I was deleting old messages on Facebook. Messages dating as far back as before college. That's over a year and a half.
Seeing some of the messages brought back some old memories. Some of them very painful. Not painful because of what had been done to me, but painful because of what I had done to others.
I was reminded of the selfish way I used to act in relationships, only after what I wanted. I used women who had feelings for me. I wouldn't have feelings for them, but I'd lead them on so that I could have a relationship or so that I'd have someone to hold. I didn't care about what I did to them. I didn't care about toying with their emotions or leaving them heartbroken.
Not until they were already emotionally attached anyway. I would realize that I shouldn't be doing this. That it's not fair to them. After I'd led them on, then I'd realize my mistake and say that things should end. Then they would be heartbroken.
Wouldn't you be heartbroken if the person you gave yourself to emotionally and physically told you that they didn't want you?
It hurt me to remember these things, but I'm really thankful for it. It reminded me of how badly I need God and the forgiveness that Jesus's sacrifice brings. I did terrible things to people, even after I became a Christian.
I'm not perfect, but I'm realizing my mistakes and I'm progressing with the help of God.
Seeing some of the messages brought back some old memories. Some of them very painful. Not painful because of what had been done to me, but painful because of what I had done to others.
I was reminded of the selfish way I used to act in relationships, only after what I wanted. I used women who had feelings for me. I wouldn't have feelings for them, but I'd lead them on so that I could have a relationship or so that I'd have someone to hold. I didn't care about what I did to them. I didn't care about toying with their emotions or leaving them heartbroken.
Not until they were already emotionally attached anyway. I would realize that I shouldn't be doing this. That it's not fair to them. After I'd led them on, then I'd realize my mistake and say that things should end. Then they would be heartbroken.
Wouldn't you be heartbroken if the person you gave yourself to emotionally and physically told you that they didn't want you?
It hurt me to remember these things, but I'm really thankful for it. It reminded me of how badly I need God and the forgiveness that Jesus's sacrifice brings. I did terrible things to people, even after I became a Christian.
I'm not perfect, but I'm realizing my mistakes and I'm progressing with the help of God.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Irony
So, I'm writing this post at 2 am. Ironically to tell you that I realized today that I should go to bed earlier. I find myself plagued with negative thoughts and actions in the small hours of the morning.
Loneliness when nobody is around
Anger towards people for not being gone when they are around
Gluttony for food when I'm not even hungry or could wait until morning
Jealousy for what others have, usually towards my friends in relationships
Fear that I'll never be able to change or that my family will never commit themselves to Christ and will be doomed to a fate beyond imagination
Why can't I control myself? Why do I find myself not instantly turning to God about all of these things?
Prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Loneliness when nobody is around
Anger towards people for not being gone when they are around
Gluttony for food when I'm not even hungry or could wait until morning
Jealousy for what others have, usually towards my friends in relationships
Fear that I'll never be able to change or that my family will never commit themselves to Christ and will be doomed to a fate beyond imagination
Why can't I control myself? Why do I find myself not instantly turning to God about all of these things?
Prayers would be greatly appreciated.
If We are the Body
I was thinking today about the number of Christians in the world. There are over 2 BILLION people on this planet who will use the label of "Christian" as a descriptive word for themselves. 1/3 of the world's population. My question is why this number is only at 2 billion. Why isn't the number of Christians increasing in greater and greater quantities each day? We have 2 billion people who should be out there making disciples of all nations.
With this high of numbers, the Gospel could have been preached to all nations by now. There should be more believers. There should be fewer areas where Christians, or anybody for that matter, are persecuted and killed for their religious beliefs.
We should all have lost friends that need God's help. We should all be helping people realize that there is more to life than sin by preaching this and, more importantly, practicing what we preach. I don't even know how many times I've heard words like "mean" and "hypocrite" used to describe the Church as a whole. I know I'm guilty of being a hypocrite. I've been the pot calling the kettle black.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
We should all be leading others to Christ through our actions, not through our convicting words. Conviction is not our job. That job belongs to the Holy Spirit.
This is a reminder to all who read my blog, even if I'm the only person who ever sees this post.
Preach the Gospel through your actions, not just your deeds!! Actions speak louder than words. We need action, not empty words!! Show love, compassion. Pray that the Holy Spirit will give you these things. Pray for humility.
Most importantly, pray for change. In both yourself and in the world.
With this high of numbers, the Gospel could have been preached to all nations by now. There should be more believers. There should be fewer areas where Christians, or anybody for that matter, are persecuted and killed for their religious beliefs.
We should all have lost friends that need God's help. We should all be helping people realize that there is more to life than sin by preaching this and, more importantly, practicing what we preach. I don't even know how many times I've heard words like "mean" and "hypocrite" used to describe the Church as a whole. I know I'm guilty of being a hypocrite. I've been the pot calling the kettle black.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
We should all be leading others to Christ through our actions, not through our convicting words. Conviction is not our job. That job belongs to the Holy Spirit.
This is a reminder to all who read my blog, even if I'm the only person who ever sees this post.
Preach the Gospel through your actions, not just your deeds!! Actions speak louder than words. We need action, not empty words!! Show love, compassion. Pray that the Holy Spirit will give you these things. Pray for humility.
Most importantly, pray for change. In both yourself and in the world.
“Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”
~ St. Francis of Assisi
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