The Past Me

Last night, I was deleting old messages on Facebook. Messages dating as far back as before college. That's over a year and a half.

Seeing some of the messages brought back some old memories. Some of them very painful. Not painful because of what had been done to me, but painful because of what I had done to others.

I was reminded of the selfish way I used to act in relationships, only after what I wanted. I used women who had feelings for me. I wouldn't have feelings for them, but I'd lead them on so that I could have a relationship or so that I'd have someone to hold. I didn't care about what I did to them. I didn't care about toying with their emotions or leaving them heartbroken.

Not until they were already emotionally attached anyway. I would realize that I shouldn't be doing this. That it's not fair to them. After I'd led them on, then I'd realize my mistake and say that things should end. Then they would be heartbroken.

Wouldn't you be heartbroken if the person you gave yourself to emotionally and physically told you that they didn't want you?

It hurt me to remember these things, but I'm really thankful for it. It reminded me of how badly I need God and the forgiveness that Jesus's sacrifice brings. I did terrible things to people, even after I became a Christian.

I'm not perfect, but I'm realizing my mistakes and I'm progressing with the help of God.